GOAL SETTING IS BULLSH*T! THE ONLY 3 THINGS YOU NEED

It’s the end of one year and almost the start of the next. It’s that magical time when you’re wrapping up what was hopefully a great year, and then looking forward to what might be for the next. If it wasn’t a great year, the magic comes from knowing that the year is almost over and the next year will hopefully be better. 

Whatever side of that fence you’re on, one of the things I believe you should be doing is at least thinking about some of the goals you’d like to achieve for yourself and the world in the coming days.

Here’s the thing; if the idea of goal setting seems foreign to you, or worse, turns your stomach, you’re probably not to blame. The way goal setting is talked about and taught is almost completely wrong. It’s disconnected and detached from the reality that most people live.

Good morning my friends and welcome back to the show. My name is Blaine Feyen, founder of the coaching academy and your host for this, and every episode of the always sponsor free, Real Value Podcast. In this episode, I’m going to teach the 3 most important things you need, and likely the only things you need, to start living the life you imagine in your head but can’t seem to step into in reality.

If you just do a standard Google search for goal setting, you’re likely to come across something called the SMART framework for goal setting, whereby each letter of the word SMART stands for a goal setting parameter.

The ‘S’ is for specific, the ‘M’ for measurable, the ‘A’ for attainable or achievable, the ‘R’ for relevant, and the ‘T’ for time bound. As in, your goals must be specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and they must have a deadline of some kind. Nothing really wrong with any of that, except for the glaring fact that none of those letters or steps in the process address the most important aspect of all goal setting: you! 

James Clear, the author of the book, Atomic Habits, goes much deeper on this topic by talking about how both winners and non-winners in life and sports have goals, yet very few people actually ever reach their goals, and fewer yet ever get to stand in the proverbial winners circle, which points to the fact that there’s something missing when it comes to goals and the goal setting process, since both the winners and the losers in those examples have the same goals, which is to win.   

Of course, when it comes to sports, there can only be one winner, so that’s a unique example, but it points to the failings of the goal setting process in general when it’s done the wrong way. 

I’ll let you in on a little secret I learned years ago, and it’s made all the difference in my life and businesses when it comes to setting goals. The only 3 things you need to focus on when it comes to achieving anything are story, state, and strategy, and in that order. Forget all of the complicated goal setting processes and rules you may have been taught over the years because the only things that really matter are your story, your state, and then, only at the very end stage, your strategy.

What do I mean by story, state, and strategy? Exactly as it sounds. “What is your story’, “what state of mind are you in and what state of mind do your goals put you in’, and only then do we get to ask, ‘what will the strategy be?’

If we go back to the S.M.A.R.T. goals framework for a minute, the reason so many people give up on their goals is because they’ve been taught this framework. Make sure your goals are specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and timebound. All good, right? Wrong! Going about goal setting this way is the equivalent to telling a teenager who’s never driven a car before to just jump the car, look at a map, and drive to a location. They may arrive at the location just fine, but the odds are not in their favor and the likelihood of them breaking some laws, putting lots of people in danger, and endangering themselves and the vehicle is very high.

Making your goals specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and timebound are all good guidelines to follow, but it’s the very end of the process and it teaches us nothing about the more important parts of the whole process, and the parts that are almost always working against us, by the way.

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So, what’s the right way to achieve anything? Start with story! In my opinion and experience working on this stuff for 30+ years, the first two parts, story and state, are the most important parts of the process and I’ll explain why. 

When I say ‘Story’, I’m talking about the story you tell yourself every day about who you are, or at least, who you think you are. Whether it’s a conscious voice you hear in your head each day or the subconscious voice whispering at you constantly, we all have a story. The story of who we are today is one of the most powerful determining factors when it comes to accomplishing anything.

If part of your story is that you are not an athlete, a goal of running the Boston Marathon might be tough and potentially lead to massive failure, just reinforcing the story that you’re not an athlete. That’s not to say that setting a goal of running the Boston Marathon is a bad thing and, in fact, it might just be the very thing that helps you write a new story that says you’re an athlete. Nevertheless, if you’re not aware of the story you have running in your brain about what is achievable and what isn’t achievable in that regard, all the goals in the world will never get you to the Boston Marathon. It’s not the goal that matters in this example, it’s the story you tell yourself about who you are, who you will have to become to achieve the goal, and then the strategy you ultimately use to write a new story.

Story is so vital because it is the operating system that runs in our heads on a moment-to-moment basis. Our story began at birth and has been written every day of our lives since. Every chapter is based on the things we heard, the things we saw, the things we experienced, the things we liked and the things we didn’t like. Our story makes us move toward the things that make us feel better and away from the things that make us feel worse, regardless of whether or not either of those are good for us. 

If you’re ever wondering what your story is in any area of your life, just look around you and see what’s there today. If you’re wondering what your story around money is, just look in your bank account or investment accounts. Don’t have any investments? Well, that’s part of your money story. There’s a reason your bank account is either bursting at the seams or begging to be fed and it all has to do with the story you tell yourself moment to moment about what money means to you.

Wondering what your story is around health and fitness? Just look in the mirror. Jump up and down and see what shakes. Whether you’re a marathon runner who watches every calorie, or somebody who shudders at the mention of going to the gym, who you are today comes down to the story you tell yourself moment to moment.

If you want something different in any area of your life, it will always start with addressing the story you have about that particular thing. Want more money in your life? Address the story you have around money and why you don’t have it. Want to be in better shape? Address the story you have around health, diet, and fitness and then decide what the new story needs to be in order to go to the next step, which has to do with the mental and emotional state you put yourself in. 

Story, state, and strategy. The stories we tell ourselves determines the state we are in moment to moment. It’s only after you address some of the stories you tell yourself about who you are and what you are capable of that you can then start to manage your state of mind and lay out a strategy.

One last thing on story before moving on to state and strategy. Whatever your goal or goals may be, I’m going to strongly recommend that you develop a story to wrap your goal in as well. Since story is so powerful in guiding and directing our actions moment to moment, the powerful secret that shouldn’t be a secret is that, when you change the story, you change the meaning that things have for you. If you want the quickest and shortest path to becoming somebody different or new, you simply change the story you’re telling yourself about a particular thing.

When it comes to setting goals around what you’d like to achieve in any area, writing what may seem like a work of fiction at the moment can be one of the most powerful things you can do to begin the process of becoming who you need to become to achieve the goal. That’s not to give credence to the old adage of ‘fake it till you make it’, but since you’ve been telling yourself a story this whole time anyways, why not just start telling a new, more empowering story about the new you, the new habits that the new you has adopted, and the why behind all of it. If the story isn’t compelling enough to keep you inspired and motivated over an extended period of time, the old you will always win. Before you start to set new goals, write new stories about those goals matter.

On to the state part. The state part after story is simply the state of mind, the state of emotion, the state of attitude, and the state of focus you are in at any given moment. A goal is supposed to be exciting enough that, when you think about it, you automatically put yourself into a positive and empowering state emotionally. If, when you think about a particular goal, instead of getting inspired and motivated you get depressed, tired, annoyed, and turned off, then the goal isn’t the right one for you.

There is a mismatch between your story and the strategy that is creating a negative feeling that will ultimately keep you where you were before setting the goal. Whatever goal or goals you can imagine for yourself, your internal and external state become the bridge between your story around the why of that goal and the strategy you choose to head in that direction.

Most people set goals because of some kind of external result or reward they’re anticipating upon reaching the goal. The problem with this method is that it reinforces the idea in our subconscious mind that we are not yet that thing or don’t yet have that thing and we will only be that kind of person once we arrive at the goal. If, the whole time you are working toward a goal you are subconsciously thinking, “I won’t be the kind of person I want to be until reach the goal”, eventually you burn out because you’ll be constantly putting yourself in a state of negative emotion while you wait to arrive at the goal. 

Instead, we start with a new story about the kind of person who would think, act, and be the kind of person who has already achieved the thing we want to be. You don’t have to wait to arrive at a particular goal. Instead, you have to write a new story that creates a new internal and external state of someone who already acts in a way that is consistent with the goal.

Let’s take weight loss as an example. You start off the new year with a new goal of losing 30lbs. Instead of jumping right into a strategy of how you might lose the weight with a diet and exercise program (strategy), we instead start with the story we’ve been telling ourselves that has led to current state you’re in, 30lbs overweight. 

The old story needs to be addressed, rewritten with new information; new facts; and a new compelling story that will put you in a state that is inspired and motivated to ask the most important questions in this whole process: who do I need to become to be the kind of person that is 30lbs lighter? What does somebody who has already reached that state do when it comes to eating, exercise, mindset, sleep, meditation, water intake, etcetera.

These kinds of questions get put into a form that sounds like this:

• “If I was this kind of person already, what would my diet look like?
• What would my daily schedule look like?
• What would my exercise routine look like? What would my mindset be?
• What would my habits be around this subject?
• What my life be like and how would I feel about it?

You see, one of the big reasons why only 8% of people are still pursuing their new year’s resolutions at the end of January or February is because they start the process backwards. They begin with the strategy without ever addressing the story and their state of mind that has led them to where they are on December 31^st wanting to make a change. 

The story you have been telling yourself is responsible for your state of mind on any given topic. Health, fitness, money, relationships, family, and every area of your life. If you don’t address the old story and the meaning we give to certain things, no amount of effort in a particular area will result in long term change. You might have small, short-term wins and gains, but the old story, which led to the old behaviors, habits, and state of mind will almost always win in the long run. 

Think of your story and state like an internal thermostat. It considers it a ‘win’ if it keeps you at your desired temperature. If you grew up seeing and hearing all kinds of stories about money struggles and how evil rich people are, your story is likely one that keeps your internal thermostat below the level of rich and evil.

If your internal thermostat is one that grew up with the notion that food is either a reward or a punishment, or that there isn’t enough of it, or some other disempowering story around food, your internal thermostat will always keep you in a state that matches your story. It just happens that you may wake up one day unhappy with some external effect of your food, eating, or fitness story. Unless and until you address the part of that story and internal thermostat that got you to where you are today, the thermostat will always bring you back to your desired comfort zone. 

Goals should be designed around who you want to and need to become to achieve the thing you want to achieve. Thinking about the thing you want to achieve should put you in a mental and emotional state that empowers you to move beyond your old internal thermostat setting so that you can be comfortable at a new setting. A setting that is more congruent with the person you want to become and one that has a new, empowering story about who that person is.

Friends, do not start off 2025 with a new strategy, unless that new strategy is accompanied by a new story that overwrites the old story; a new story that puts you in an empowered state and feeds a new attitude that is willing to overcome the inevitable challenges that come with becoming someone new. Only then will you be able to develop a powerful strategy that coincides with the new story and the new state of mind.

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