ARE YOU HIGHLY EFFECTIVE

SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE APPRAISERS!

In this Real Value Podcast episode, Blaine goes over the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey and gives unique insight and context for each one of the habits.

We talk often on this show about habits, how to develop better ones, reduce the bad ones a bit, and keep our eyes on where our habits are leading us. We call that your ‘arc of activity’ and its simply the line from what you do daily to where those habits and activities lead. Do they lead upward on a graph of growth and positivity or do your habits and daily activities lead in an arc over time downward to declining health, reduced efficiency, reduced effectiveness, less fun, less excitement, etcetera. Habits are the things we do perpetually, whether consciously or unconsciously, and represent the frequent patterns of behavior and thought that we have moment to moment. Our habits, in essence, determine what we do, when we do it, how we do it, and what the outcomes will be over time. Thousands of books have been written since the dawn of the written word on the topic of habits, of the conscious and subconscious drivers of behavior, even long before science knew what was going on inside our brains. Much of the early literature regarding success in life, as well as success in the marketplace, was based on the idea that to be successful one had to develop their character, not necessarily techniques. This was called the Character Ethic. Over the last 100 years or so, that view has changed to what has been referred to as the Personality Ethic. What used to be an emphasis on internal growth of the individual has become an external focus on image, social interactions, social engagement in content, appearance, how to stand out, and displaying to the world heavily curated and filtered views of one’s world to give a false representation of one’s status or life (think Facebook and Instagram).

Enter Stephen Covey and his groundbreaking work on habits. Dr. Covey wrote the book, The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People, and published it in 1989. I was just out of high school and remember just how profoundly the book took the business and self improvement world by storm. Why? Because Dr. Covey was placing the focus back on the character ethic and shifting away from the personality ethic. When Dr. Covey wrote the book, there was no social media, no Facebook, no Instagram, no Twitter, no SnapChat. If ever there was a time to bring back the character ethic and push down the notion that the key to success is rooted in the external, instead of what is going on in the inside of the individual, it would be now in my opinion. Of course, that’s not to say we don’t have very strong evidence of how to become successful as a social media influencer, a YouTuber, an Instagram influencer, or just simply a horrible human being doing horrible things like Jake and Logan Paul. However, those people represent an extremely small percentage of people in the world, not to mention an extremely narrow definition of success. The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People is a book based on a study of some of the most successful people throughout time and what the seven common habits, or character traits they seemed to share. There’s actually an eight habit, but I’ve saved that one as bonus content for members of the Value Syndicate, so if you’re interested in listening to the Eighth Habit, its always free and you can find it over at www.RealValueCast.com or www.RealValueCoach.com when you sign up for the bonus content.

The seven habits book is basically divided into three sections. The first section consists of the first three habits and is all about moving you from dependence and into independence. The second part consists of habits 4 through 6 and is all about moving the reader from independence and into interdependence, which is where we recognize and create synergies amongst one another. The final section is the last habit, which I’ll cover at the end, and stands, more or less, on its own. So, lets dive into the seven habits!

The first habit is to be proactive. In essence, Dr. Covey said that the most successful people take action. This may seem like a no brainer for entrepreneurs, alphas, movers and shakers, and those of us who make things happen in our lives, but its not so obvious, even amongst those who’ve started their own businesses and think they’re action people. We see all kinds of venues where people gather to ‘vent’ and complain. Many of these people are entrepreneurs and independent business owners. They’re people who have gone out and created something that provides for them and their family. Yet, there they are, standing around a proverbial water cooler lamenting how some aspect of the world has done them wrong. Dr. Covey lays this out with fairly clear language and an image of two concentric circles. The outer circle is called the circle of concern and is the main focus of what he refers to as ‘reactive’ people. These are things that they cannot control, like the weather, other people’s opinions, other people’s mistakes and misunderstandings, the economy, politics, the media, and what other people think. The inner circle he calls the circle of influence. This is the focus of proactive people. These are the things we can control, which includes our attitude, our vision, our responses, education, skills, habits, hobbies, and our goals. In essence, we get a choice each and every moment of every day to choose what we’ll focus on. Will you focus on the things you can’t control, which amounts to whining and complaining, or will you instead shift your focus over to the things you can control? This is the essence of the first habit and I can tell you for certain that it is 100% a habit. It can be learned and practiced. In fact, I’ll change the way I say it to emphasize that it MUST be practiced to be mastered.

I’ll give you a little warning about habit number one: you will meet with resistance when you get good at this one. I’ve talked about this habit in a different way in prior shows where I talked about the concept of reframing. Reframing is the conscious act of changing the way you see or think about something so as to change the energy and view of that thing. When you change the way you see or think of the world around, the world around you changes. The habit that drives your ability to reframe things is a habit that very few are willing to practice. The very nature of habits are that they are habitual. We do them without thinking and we do them consistently. If your habitual way of thinking is that things happen to you, instead of possibly because of you, or simply that things happen, you’ll also have a habit of complaining about those things. You probably don’t think of yourself as a complainer, very few complainers and whiners do. What most of those people think of themselves as are ‘realists’ and rooted in reality. They’re just reporting what they’re seeing around them, that’s all. They don’t think of it as complaining, they think of it more like reporting. However, let me assure you that if you are giving something energy, attention, and focus, and you have no ability to change it, you are being reactive and probably complaining about it.

The second habit is to begin with the end in mind. We talk about this all the time when it comes to goal setting. It can be very difficult to set clear goals if you cant at least see what it will look like when you’re finished. When you arrive, how will the world around you look? If you can’t see it how can you head toward it? My coaching students will often hear me say, “what’s it going to look like when you reach it?”, or another way I’ll ask is, “how will you know when you’ve arrived?” All things are created twice: first in the mind, and second in the real world, or the world of lumpy things as I’ve often referred to it. There’s a famous sentiment in the world of personal development and goal setting that says if you don’t have goals and a vision for your life, you will be utilized by people who do. It’s an absolute imperative that you develop a personal mission statement before ever trying to develop a corporate mission statement. Why? Because your corporate mission must align with your personal mission or you’re potentially working at cross purposes. Covey often used a a little parable to make this point by talking about the ladder of success. He would say that people often climb the ladder of success only to get to the top and realize they’ve placed the ladder against the wrong wall. I disagree with Dr. Covey’s analogy on this point because I think we’ve long moved past the era where your ladder should be fixed against any wall for your whole life or career. That analogy kind of harkens back to an era when you graduated from high school, went to college or the factory, graduated from college and then spent the next 30 years plugging away until retirement or death, and often retirement meant death was right around the corner. I believe people have grown out of that paradigm, thankfully, and are much more comfortable moving the proverbial ladder around to a variety of walls throughout their lives and careers. I certainly did. I don’t think there is a ‘right’ wall, as much as there’s a right principle and mission for each person. Once you figure out your personal mission by beginning with the end in mind, as the second habit suggests, your ladder becomes more like a hover craft, or a helicopter, allowing you to float above the fray instead of the proverbial climb.

The third habit of the most successful people is to put first things first. I can tell you that this habit becomes much easier when you’ve figured out habit two of beginning with the end in mind. When you’ve worked through developing your personal mission you’ll get very clear on what to focus on. I’ll share with you my own personal mission statement, which has been evolving over the years, but has been this version for some time now: “my personal mission is to use my gifts of intelligence, influence, charisma, and serial optimism to increase the self worth and net worth of people around the world. I was created to help people build a future that is bigger than their present, to inspire others to achieve great things, and to leave the world better than the way I found it.” Now, I’ll say that my personal mission statement is longer than most, but that’s because I feel my mission is bigger than most. Your personal mission statement should be one or two statements that express your values, core purpose, and vision quickly and succinctly. I’m not going to go into how to do that in this episode, but I’d be happy to help you figure yours out if you want to send me a personal message. Again, the reason to do that kind of exercise is to get that much closer to a sense of clarity around what it is you’re supposed to be doing. When you’re clear, you naturally put first things first. This habit is all about saying no to anything and everything that doesn’t somehow fit your mission, your vision, your purpose, and your big rocks. You may have seen examples of a very popular matrix of urgent, not urgent, important, not important things. Many think Dr. Covey came up with the urgent matrix, but it was actually devised by President Eisenhower in 1954, which is why its actually called the Eisenhower matrix. Its essentially a box divided into 4 equal squares. Across the top of the box are two labels: Urgent over the left box, and not urgent over the upper right box. On the left side of the matrix is a label running from bottom to top with the bottom left box labeled ‘not important’, and the upper left box labeled ‘important’. So, basically, anything in the top left box is considered urgent and important. In the top right hand box is not urgent, but important. The bottom left box is is urgent, but not important, and the far right and bottom box is not urgent and not important.

The idea with the Eisenhower Matrix as it relates to putting first things first is that, when you’re clear about your vision and beginning with the end in mind, you’ll also get clear on what is important to your mission and needs to be done right away, what’s important to the mission but can wait, what’s not important to the mission, but needs to be addressed right away (automate or delegate), and whats not important to the mission and isnt urgent. This is either the avoid at all costs section, or at least limit your exposure and focus on those things. Those are the trivial things that threaten to pull you off mission, off purpose, and into the shit. Warren Buffet is famous for saying, “the difference between successful people and really successful people is that the really successful people say no to almost everything.” if you want to get clarity in your life and business so that you can know what to put first, you have to get good at saying ‘no’ to almost everything that doesn’t serve your mission and your purpose.

The fourth habit is a pretty simple one, and one that may even be something of an office meme. It’s the habit of thinking win-win. The term win-win has become an overused phrase since Dr. Covey made it popular in the 80’s, but the idea is as sound as the term implies. Its simply the view and practice of looking for ways that everybody can win in situations. Essentially, Dr. Covey posited the six ways that things could go: Lose/win, win lose, lose/lose, win…, lose…, and finally win/win. I’ve talked about the Samurai version of this concept before and its called Ai-Nuke. In Japanese swordsmanship it was believed at one time there were only 3 outcomes to a sword battle: to be struck down by your opponent (lose/win), to strike down your opponent (win/lose), or to mutually strike each other down in the same moment (lose/lose). This was called ai-uchi, which meant mutual destruction. That is until Harigaya Sekiun basically said, ‘bullshit!, that’s merely beastly behavior and thinking. We can do much better than that, and should!’ So, he began teaching the idea that you could train yourself to the level of skill and enlightenment so that encounters could lead to what he referred to as Ai Nuke, or mutual preservation. Imagine two old sword masters crossing each other on a wooded path. They both draw their swords to initiate battle and take a stance. They lower their breathing, set their gaze low, calm their minds, and prepare for death…and there they stand, calmly waiting for the other to make the first move and instigate their own demise. However, both being masters of their art, more importantly, masters of themselves, they both recognize in that moment that they can both relax their stance, sheath their swords, and go on their way having effectively saved each other’s life; mutual preservation. That’s win win.

Coming from a long martial arts and defensive tactics background, as well as the better portion of my life spent running businesses, the reality is often much different than what we imagine. We can seek win-win in most of our encounters and dealings, in fact, that’s what Dr. Covey was imploring us to do, simply think and seek win-win outcomes instead of expecting every outcome to be win-win, but there are simply times where somebody is going to lose. However, the deeper meaning underlying ‘think win win’ is that it emphasizes and promotes an abundance mindset. What’s an abundance mindset? It’s the belief that there is enough to go around. The opposite of an abundance mentality is a belief in lack, zero sum, for me to win somebody else has to lose. A lack mentality believes that for me to eat well, you have to go hungry. For me to make a lot of money and live well, somebody else has to be poor and live without something. For me to win the argument and be heard, the other person has to lose the argument because there can be only one. This, too, is something we get to choose. This mentality, or frame through which we see the world, is one we get to choose, even if we weren’t raised that way. I certainly wasn’t raised with an abundance mentality. I had an absolutely awesome childhood and have been immensely blessed to born into the family I was and had the parents I did, but we weren’t rich, by any means. We weren’t poor, but we didn’t have lots of extra. My parents always made sure we had what we needed to enjoy life, but we also heard the fights over bills and money. Its one of the reasons my dad left his government job and became an entrepreneur; he wanted a better life for himself and his family. But that didn’t mean the end of the fights and arguments over money, in fact, it meant more lean years and struggle as he earned his entrepreneurial stripes, so to speak, and made mistakes along the way. I wasn’t seeing a message of there’s always enough or enough to go around. That also wasn’t the message that I saw on a daily basis down in our ghetto grocery store. What I saw there daily was nothing but lack; people on welfare, food stamps, addiction, violence, people taking from one another to get a leg up, and just a general sense of struggle. This was the bottom rung of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. These were people fighting for food, clothing, and shelter on a daily basis.

But what I also learned from seeing that and interacting with those people, most of them really good people, by the way, was that there was often just a small difference in thinking that separated the haves from the have nots. That little difference in mentality could be summed up, and over simplified of course, as having either a belief that anything was possible, or that possibility and opportunity was limited. I got to see and hear that difference exemplified daily in the people I had the great fortune to interact with and befriend in that ghetto grocery store. Some people knew they wouldn’t be there forever and that they were on the way out of there through education, work, and a strong belief in something better, and then there were the people who simply lived within and off of them system. There was nothing better for them, not because there wasn’t really anything better for them, but because they couldn’t see it and they didn’t have the internal programming and beliefs that there was enough to go around. All they knew was what they’d been taught: there’s not enough so you’d better get yours by any means necessary. Think win win speaks to a mindset and a belief that we live in an abundant world and for me to have does not entail somebody else must go without. Look for opportunities to educate and add value to others, give freely of all your resources, help others get there’s, so to speak, and constantly remind yourself that there is enough to go around, despite some of the messages to the contrary.

The fifth habit is one I talked about in the 2 part series called ‘getting your masters degree in value’, and its to seek first to understand, then to be understood. I take a minor issue with the grammar of this habit, at least as its written by Dr. Covey and here’s my issue. The way this habit is expressed in the book is to ‘seek first to understand, then to be understood’, which to me means a two-step process of wanting to understand the situation or the other person first, but then its your job to make them understand you. That’s the way its written, seek first to understand, then to be understood, which may lead some to believe that part of the 5th habit entails making the other person understand what you’re saying, and there is never a guarantee of that, nor an obligation on the other person’s part to understand what our point or position is. If you believe its your duty to make somebody else understand you after you’ve taken the time to understand them, you’ll be sorely disappointed most of the time because this is an advanced skill that few have. Why would we expect others to have really good listening skills, awesome communication skills, a genuine desire to want to know our position or thoughts on something, and to know and understand this 5th habit? In fact, its one of the biggest issues when people are disagreeing or fighting about something. Both people are yelling over each other trying to be heard and nobody is listening to the other.

The one change I would make to habit 5 is to replace the word ‘then’ with the words ‘before trying’, as in, seek first to understand before trying to be understood. Not, seek first to understand, then to be understood. Its natural to want to be understood. You don’t have to tell or teach people to want to be understood, its hard wired into our DNA. The real meat and message of habit 5 is simply to make the ‘seeking to understand’ part your main focus in your interactions. How many times do we see appraisers bitching and complaining about agents, lenders, AMCs, and homeowners over some silly thing? We see it all the time! How many times have you seen those same appraisers make the case that there is another side to the story and it may help to have some understanding before coming to conclusions? Almost never! Why? Because its hard wired into many people’s DNA to get pleasure and comfort in whining and complaining instead of trying to at least understand the position of the other party. Taking time to understand before trying to be understood is the behavior of a fully formed and mature human being. It’s the mark of a pro. In fact, I would say that the next level beyond this, the PhD level, is to relieve yourself of the need be understood. I didn’t say that its not important to be understood in a situation, I simply said that there is a level above seeking first to understand before trying to be understood, and that to relieve yourself of the desire or need to be understood will free you immensely. Anytime your happiness is tied to whether or not somebody else gets it or understands you, there is an opening for great disappointment. Its ok to always do your best as a leader to convey your thoughts, ideas, and commands in a way that inspires the greatest understanding, just have no expectation that everyone will understand. Seek first to understand before trying to cram your point of view down somebody else’s throat. With an understanding of the other person’s position or views, you have greater context with which to understand their world.

The sixth habit of highly effective people is a one word habit called synergy. What is synergy? Synergy is, quite simply, the habit of collaboration. It’s the habit of creative cooperation. This one ties in nicely with habit 5 because when you seek out somebody else’s opinion, you’re essentially seeking first to understand their position, their views, their beliefs on certain things. When you’re open to other views and opinions, other paradigms and beliefs about the world, you can’t help but grow yourself. Synergy is a one word request to celebrate differences instead of just tolerating them. Synergy is a one word explanation for why 2 pieces of wood glued and screwed together have a strength that is greater than double the individual strength of the two boards. Synergy is the understanding that 1 plus 1 can equal 5, 7, or 20. its why companies often work in teams, its why military special forces work in teams, its why the best sports teams are the best. Its not necessarily because the team has the most superstars on it, although that can help, its because they’re coached well, and because there is a synergy between the players that is greater than the teams they tend to beat. To use my wood example again, if you take two 2X4 boards and marry them together with glue and nails, or screws, those two boards are stronger than using one 4X4 post. Give that a minute to sink in. I likely have some carpenters, construction experts, and maybe some woodworkers as listeners so I’m at risk of being called out here. Marry two 2X4s together and they’re stronger and superior to using a 4X4, which is essentially the same thing, right? Wrong, because of synergy, the two 2X4s are superior for several reasons. One, their grain patterns are different and, therefore, when matched up they won’t have the same weaknesses through the grain. If one board is weak in one area, its likely supported and backed up by the other board. With the 4X4, it has the same grain pattern all the way through the board so, if its weak at one point, its weak through the hole post in that area. Two, a 4X4 post, like the 2X4 boards, has knots in it. The 4X4 post has a weakness wherever the knot is, just as the 2X4 does. However, when two boards are married together, the second board shores up the other boards weakness where the knot exists because its highly unlikely that both boards have knots in the exact same spot. Third, the two boards married together have greater flexibility than the one 4X4 post. That’s synergy at work. The boards are stronger as a team than the individual boards could ever hope to be. That’s synergy friends.

So, the first three habits were all about the individual and moving you from reactive to proactive, and from dependence to independence. The next three habits are all about relationships. Think win-win, Seek first to understand, and synergy. The seventh habit is definitely one of my favorite habits. The seventh habit is the habit of Kaizen, continuous improvement for the good, and its referred to by Dr. Covey as ‘sharpen the saw’. You are the instrument, your body and mind are the tools you use daily to carve out a life. As any carpenter will tell you, their skills and experience are extremely valuable, but their tools are the instruments through which they make their creations and their living. We must develop the habit of sharpening our bodies, our minds, our skills, our relationships, our attitudes, and our spirit on a regular basis. I have a handwritten line on my whiteboard out in my garage gym to remind me of this habit and the line says, ‘always chase excellence to beat the decline.’ We hear phrases like ‘seek excellence’, usually as exhortations from a motivational speaker, or some billionaire as the thing that made them who they are. The problem is that the word excellence has different meanings for different people. I wrote the phrase because, for me, the word excellence in that context means personal excellence. It doesn’t mean being the absolute best at something, it means being the best I can be in that moment. I’m the standard to which I’m holding myself up to in that moment. I’m not competing against you, or some pro athlete, I’m always competing against me and the natural decline that comes with living in a world where gravity is a real force. I remind myself on the regular that decline is a natural occurrence and something that can either be accepted and given it to or fought against in a virtuous cycle of upward growth. Even if the results of that battle are maintenance at a particular level, that’s ok. Maintaining your weight at a healthy weight, maintaining your strength at a particular level, maintaining your flexibility at a particular level, maintaining your skills at a particular level all imply beating the decline. Of course, we should seek gains in all of those areas as well, but sharpening the saw means to continually chase excellence to beat the natural decline that is always chasing us.

There they are, the 7 habits of highly effective people, at least as I understand and practice them. As I mentioned, there is an 8th habit, but I wanted to save that one for our coaching members and members of the Value Syndicate. Becoming a member of the Value Syndicate is absolutely and always free, we never sell you anything, and we never give away your information. All you have to do is go to www.realvaluecast.com or www.realvaluecoach.com and look for the words ‘Join the Value Syndicate’. All you have to do is input your name and email address and we’ll send the podcast to you each week, along with any bonus episodes. If you want to listen to the bonus episode on the 8th habit, that’s how you can hear it. Of course, you could join one of our coaching programs and get the bonus episode there as well. Either way, I really appreciate you investing your most valuable currency and resource withme again this week, my friend. I hope I’ve been able to add some real value for you and I look forward to meeting up with you again next week, same time, same place. So, until then, my friends, I’m out…